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Letters Home: APB on Coiffure Cup Girls
Feb. 16th, 2009 10:02 amFrom: Thomas Raith <godofcologne@livejournal.com>
To: Sgt. Karrin Murphy <kmurphy@si.chicagopd.com>
Subject: What Did I Get Myself Into?
Karrin -
I'm sure you've already watched the first episode of this show, so you know just what a bunch of lunatics I'm stuck in a house with. Tell me, did Harry watch it with you, or is he refusing to acknowledge it exists? And if the former, I hope he didn't blow out your TV. But seriously, they're trying to keep us from 'outside influences' so I don't have too much time to write you (and I doubt SI would be happy about making it onto national cable TV). I slipped away while the girls and Edward were drinking, figuring the camera crew would be too busy filming those hysterics to watch over my shoulder. Given the amount of hilarity I'm hearing, it was a good guess.
Not much to report, but I have a favor to ask. The next time you stop by the Coiffure Cup (don't look at me like that, I know you like coming for a haircut from one of the girls), can you do me a favor and arrest them all for signing me up for this madhouse? You'd think 30 odd years of dealing with people and my crazy family would be enough to keep me from going nuts reading emotion, but damn. These vampires are worse than anything we have back home. The (real) Frenchmen are as catty and bitchy as the Gold Coast wives, and Edward is the most prudish, emotionally unstable virgin I've ever seen. I'm either going to start popping aspirin like it's candy or have a breakdown. So... just get the girls for me.
And since we know Harry's compete inability to use email, I've attached a letter for him. Can you print it out and give it to him? You might want to stand back when he reads it though. He's liable to blow out the power grid.
Seething at my girls,
Thomas
Attachment:
Harry,
Not much to tell. Wish you were here to get laid. Thought I'd give you a heads up about a den of Red or Black Court vamps in St. Louis. They seem legit, but they've got fangs in the SLPD. You'll probably have to watch out for that.
Other than that, I'm doing my best to send Lara and the rest of my dear family into apoplexy. And if you get the chance, will you have Ramirez (or Elaine for that matter) check out the Pacific Northwest? There seems to be a den of glittering vampires there. Not sure how the hell it works, but figured you'd want to give Ramirez the heads-up just in case dead show up in his backyard.
xoxo,
Thomas
To: Sgt. Karrin Murphy <kmurphy@si.chicagopd.com>
Subject: What Did I Get Myself Into?
Karrin -
I'm sure you've already watched the first episode of this show, so you know just what a bunch of lunatics I'm stuck in a house with. Tell me, did Harry watch it with you, or is he refusing to acknowledge it exists? And if the former, I hope he didn't blow out your TV. But seriously, they're trying to keep us from 'outside influences' so I don't have too much time to write you (and I doubt SI would be happy about making it onto national cable TV). I slipped away while the girls and Edward were drinking, figuring the camera crew would be too busy filming those hysterics to watch over my shoulder. Given the amount of hilarity I'm hearing, it was a good guess.
Not much to report, but I have a favor to ask. The next time you stop by the Coiffure Cup (don't look at me like that, I know you like coming for a haircut from one of the girls), can you do me a favor and arrest them all for signing me up for this madhouse? You'd think 30 odd years of dealing with people and my crazy family would be enough to keep me from going nuts reading emotion, but damn. These vampires are worse than anything we have back home. The (real) Frenchmen are as catty and bitchy as the Gold Coast wives, and Edward is the most prudish, emotionally unstable virgin I've ever seen. I'm either going to start popping aspirin like it's candy or have a breakdown. So... just get the girls for me.
And since we know Harry's compete inability to use email, I've attached a letter for him. Can you print it out and give it to him? You might want to stand back when he reads it though. He's liable to blow out the power grid.
Seething at my girls,
Thomas
Attachment:
Harry,
Not much to tell. Wish you were here to get laid. Thought I'd give you a heads up about a den of Red or Black Court vamps in St. Louis. They seem legit, but they've got fangs in the SLPD. You'll probably have to watch out for that.
Other than that, I'm doing my best to send Lara and the rest of my dear family into apoplexy. And if you get the chance, will you have Ramirez (or Elaine for that matter) check out the Pacific Northwest? There seems to be a den of glittering vampires there. Not sure how the hell it works, but figured you'd want to give Ramirez the heads-up just in case dead show up in his backyard.
xoxo,
Thomas
