Interview: Thirty Minutes In Heaven

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Thirty Minutes In Heaven: 
A heart to heart with Thomas Raith

ANONYMOUS CITY, USA – Judging by the shrieks of fans and reporters alike, it was easy to imagine a limo had pulled up and discharged one of the world’s most well known actors. Instead, the flashing cameras revealed a silver motorcycle, a new but familiar sight to those who follow The Real World Bites, and a tall, dark haired man in jeans and a t-shirt. The shrieks doubled in volume when the man grinned and waved to the crowd. It is hard to imagine that this hysterical enthusiasm is all directed at one man, a literal unknown a month ago, Thomas Raith.

For those who are not familiar with The Real World Bites, Thomas Raith is the one exception to Casa Vamp’s blood-drinking vampire rule. A vampire of something called the White Court, Thomas feeds from human victims like the others, but instead of blood, he feeds on their life energy through sexual encounters. Yes, it would seem that this tall, dark, and sinfully handsome gentleman, this new darling of the paparazzi and celebrity gossip blogs, is a self-proclaimed incubus.

Taking time away from the bustle of the cast’s one month celebration, Mr. Raith was kind enough to sit down with me for an interview, even taking a series of questions culled from our Internet audience. Even simply sitting at one of the many round picnic tables, Thomas Raith draws the eye as he nurses a cup of coffee (just a splash of cream and a sprinkling of sugar, for those interested in such minutiae), and he laughs at our first question.

Why are you on a show with vampires when you don't drink blood?
“Well, that’s just a common misconception, that all vampires need to drain the literal blood of the living to survive. But what is it that all those vampire novels, which by the way are all terrible bunches of half-truths and superstition, say? That life is in the blood? Like I said, half-truths and superstition.” Thomas laughs again, running his hand through his hair in a way that shampoo commercial models would die for. “There’s more than one way to drain life from a human being. But to answer the question, why wouldn’t I be a vampire? Without a steady diet of willing humans to feed from, I die. Blood as a criteria is rather antiquated, don’t you think? Especially given how quickly they are developing synthetic plasmas and things like that?”

We already know you run a hair salon in Chicago called the Coiffure Cup, but curious fans would like to know: How long does it take to get an appointment with you at your salon? Who does the bookings?
Thomas laughs again, and this intrepid reporter is beginning to wonder if that laugh is banned in any states. Ladies, what you hear on the television is only a fraction of how affective Thomas’ laugh is. Warm, infectious, and very very naughty. “My employees keep telling me how much business has spiked since I’ve been on this show, but it’s awfully hard to believe from here. I mean, it’s one thing to see me on camera, but to want me to wash their hair, that’s a different sort of intimacy, now isn’t it?” His answer is sheepish, and I’m struck again by the mix of confidence-bordering-on-arrogance and self-deprecating humour Thomas Raith manages to interject into every answer.

“My trusty receptionist, Madeleine Foster, takes care of the salon’s scheduling, and I have to admit I hired her because she is so good at saying no. If I had to answer the phones and make appointments, no woman would be turned away and I’d be on my feet for a month straight. But Mad keeps me from working my fingers to the bone.” Thomas raises his hands and grins, wiggling his pale slender fingers for emphasis. “Right now, it’s pretty much impossible to get an appointment specifically with me, since I have the show and all. But,” And there’s that grin again, ladies. “if there’s a special occasion or someone desperately needs my help, I’m willing to take a day or two off from the show and go home to take care of it.”

I’m sure our reading audience would be thrilled to hear that you are so dedicated to your customers. On the show, it seems like a bit of a running gag that you are shirtless, or are in the process of becoming shirtless. Thomas, can you estimate how many shirts have been ripped off you by your cast mates?
“Do people really keep track of that sort of thing? I honestly don’t know. There’s been a lot of them, I’ve noticed, but they keep being replaced. If you press me for a number, I’d have to make one up off the top of my head. Let’s see… We’ve been in the house thirty-one days, why don’t I just say thirty-one.” He sips his coffee, and this reporter can’t help but think he’s counting it up silently behind those storm grey eyes. “Let’s go with thirty-one. As good a number as any.”

How titillating, Thomas! But for a man who seems to get up to nothing but being shirtless and feeding through sex, we’ve seen you beaten up pretty badly once or twice. Is there any particular reason why you bleed pink?
Thomas has finished his coffee by this point and waves over a server. He asks your faithful reporter if he can get her anything before settling on asking for a large plate of French fries and two Cokes. “Or do you prefer diet?” he asks belatedly. This reporter reassures him that’s fine, and he pushes the plate of fries over as he muses on the question. “Please, have some. I feel like I’m sitting around lounging indolently while you sit there and work yourself to the bone. Take a minute and have a few. They’re finger food for a reason, right?” Let me tell you, ladies, it is hard to say no to this charming man, even when he is offering a plate full of deep fried potatoes that will go straight to this reporter’s thighs. “As for the blood issue, I honestly don’t know. It’s just the way we are. Too pretty by half, but bleeding pink.”

It simply makes you more interesting, Thomas. But as we promised, we’ve taken a few questions from our Internet audience. Here’s one that I am sure is on the mind of many of your viewers. rwb4unlife asks, “Since you’re obviously taken, do you have any sibling?”
Swallowing a French fry and wiping his hands on the napkin, Thomas grabs his Coke and takes a drink before answering. “I have more than my share of sisters, but most of them are quite a bit older.” He laughs again, and this reporter cannot help but notice how his eyes silvers in the light when he laughs. “I’m the only surviving male in the Raith family, so I’m spoiled rotten. But to be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t wish my sisters on any of my loyal fans. They’d be eaten alive in a far worse manner than I would.”

The trials of living with a family of incubi and succubi are fascinating. Did you have much trouble sharing as a child? Never mind, that’s not the question. Continuing with our Internet fan questions, mrs_raith asks, “Do you always date younger women/men and if so is it only vampires because I am checking state laws and stuff?”
The question seems to take Thomas aback and he looks confused for a moment. “Oh, you mean Edward and Lacci?” he asks, realization dawning in his eyes. “Actually, they’re the cradle robbers, not me,” he continues, chuckling low in his throat. “Edward’s decades older and, a gentleman doesn’t ask a lady’s age but, I believe Lacci’s got a century on me at least. But as for the original question, no. I prefer older men and women, and past experience has taught me that getting involved with underaged men and women, no matter how charming they are, is a legal nightmare.” Thomas looks embarrassed as he says this, and this reporter cannot help but wonder what interesting story might be lurking. But our time is running short, and we only have space for one more question.

Alright, one more question before we let you go back to breaking hearts, Thomas. sprkly_stephenie asks, “WHY DON'T YOU EVER ANSWER YOUR CELL PHONE ANYMORE THOMAS?” That question was in fact submitted fifteen times each day during our open call for questions. Somebody really wants it answered. Care to oblige us?
“Oh wow. I didn’t realize it would be this bad.” Thomas runs a hand through his hair and looks embarrassed. Somewhere out there are a thousand Abercrombie models wishing they could pull off that tousled look. “I guess the backstory is that my cell phone ended up on Ebay and the number came into possession of a couple of zealous fans. But to answer Stephenie’s question, I have a contractual stipulation that says I can’t spend too much time on my personal cell phone and, unfortunately, salon business takes up most of that. In fact, I’d like to take the opportunity to ask that whoever has my phone number please refrain from sharing it or calling it so often. My provider is about two more messages away from cutting me off, and I’d hate the hassle of having to switch numbers and all that. I love talking to fans, but it would be a wonderful favour to me if they would just… moderate themselves? Say, no more than one phone call a day?”

Wow, it’s not often that we hear of a celebrity willing to let his fans call his private cell phone even once a day. You are quite the charmer, Thomas Raith, and thank you for taking the time out to speak with us.
Thomas stands up and offers this reporter a thoroughly professional handshake and a roguish kiss on the cheek. “The pleasure was all mine. As I’m sure you know by now I can never resist the opportunity to speak to a beautiful woman.”

With that thirty minute interview, this initially skeptical reporter has been converted. No, ladies, Thomas Raith is not as suave as he appears on TV. The show doesn’t even do him justice.


Credit for questions go to jumble   and ojouchan  , aka Edward-mun and Dru-mun, for answering the call over at rwb_ooc  .